Pleasantly Passive Aggressive New Protest Methods

I just read this unintentionally hilarious article about how the French are protesting Nicolas Sarkozy's policies by reading his least favourite book, The Princesse de Cleves. (Via Maud on twitter.) At least, it's hilarious to me. As a protest method, I rank it right up there with Paddington Bear's "hard stare."

Imagine the scene: Sarkozy wanders sadly through the streets of Paris. Thousands of  haughty, well-dressed people are strolling about or waiting for buses; smoking elegant little cigarettes or drinking coffee or wine at outdoor cafes; they are entwining their fingers, their lips or their legs on park benches. At the same time they are all ostentatiously pretending to read the hated book, while looking out of the corners of their eyes and down their very long noses at their chastened president. Sarkozy begins to weep. He pulls out his cell phone and calls his aide to tell him to suspend the 50 per cent cap on income tax. Carla Bruni appears on a wrought iron balcony overhanging the cobblestone street, clears her throat in an attractive manner, and strumming her guitar, begins to croon a love song.

The world needs more non-violent, passive aggressive protest methods like these. Let's make a list, shall we?

1. Read your opponent's least favourite book.
2. When walking, chant the playground rhyme "Step on a crack, break <insert opponent's name here>'s back." Then: deliberately step on all the cracks.
3. The next time you have to go out, imagine what your opponent would wear to such an event and then: wear the opposite. Example: he would wear a tasteful and very expensive black suit, so you'd wear a cheap red dress. That kind of thing.
4. Think about sending your opponent flowers and then: don't do it.
5. The next time you have a cold, every time you sneeze, imagine the vapourized germs floating directly into your opponent's nostrils. It doesn't matter if you live on opposite sides of the planet. It's the idea of the thing.
6. Send your opponent an envelope full of your fingernail clippings.

Okay, maybe those last two are less pleasantly passive aggressive and verging more on the side of just plain weird. Add your own ideas in the  comments or email me.

Comments

[Susan Anonymous]

Find out your opponent's least favorite food and eat it frequently in public.

Sing your opponent's least favorite song.

Find out your opponent's least favorite animal and purchase one as a pet.

Find out your opponent's least favorite position and become intimate in that manner.

[Lisa]

Make up a really snarky nickname for your opponent and use it in all private journal entries. Kind of like what G.W. Bush does with his friends, but meaner.

(This is also good for bosses, coworkers, and exes.)

[Loth]

Sign your opponent up for Reader's Digest.