crooked house

A Dangerous Maze and the Common Sense Media "Unwatching" Contest

I never should've let Luke watch Marie Antoinette as such an impressionable age.

Common Sense Media is asking for your stories of moments when you wish your child hadn't seen something on television, in a movie, or online. I shared the story of my own horrible moment like that here. Please do go read it and if you like it, vote for me! Or share your own and vote for yourself. (I did. You can win a $500 Amazon gift card!)

Luke Caught His First Fish!

Give a boy a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a boy to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Give your sister a fish and freak her out with the glare of its glassy dead eyes. Somebody better teach your mother how to prepare and cook a fish from scratch if you keep this up, kid. (I am quite impressed -- I do not think I have ever caught a fish.)

Retro First Moment

An iPhone photo of Luke, at his grandfather's house, reading the comics page for the first time. The comics page in an actual newspaper -- we don't subscribe to any physical papers anymore. I taught a lot of kids to read (or at least helped them learn) but  it is so much more amazing when your own child starts to do it, as exciting as when he said his first word or took his first step. It's as if he were the only child in the world clever enough to figure out how to do such a miraculous thing.

Before the Birthday Party

Luke turned seven on Good Friday and we had his party on Saturday in the church hall just up the street from our house. Last year I gave myself barely half an hour to set up so this year we went two hours early. That was a bit too early.

Sylvie insisted on wearing a pair of plastic high heels throughout the entire event. They had clumps of marabou-like fluff on the tops with  purple jewels nested in the middles. For some reason the purple jewels offended her sensibilities so she tore them off, leaving only shreds of fake marabou. Inappropriate summer sun dress also chosen by Vivi herself.

I should've had the sense to take aftermath photos but I was too exhausted at that point. I am afraid the Easter bunny was rather lame this year.

Ernie and Bert Lego

Ernie and Bert, done in Lego by Jung Von Matt. Via BB-blog. (This reminds me. Luke has a Great-Aunt named Barbara and a Great-Uncle named Earnie. The other day he confused me by asking, "When are we going to see Ernie and Bert again?")

Sprinkles on Frosting Birthday Party Invitation

While looking for birthday party invitation ideas for Luke's upcoming birthday,  we found this gorgeous hand-lettered assemblage made out of sprinkles on frosting. I also love Rose's "theme." Luke had already decided that his was going to be "Roblox, Ninjas, and Angry Birds."  Don't know if we have the time and the patience to make an invitation like this one, though.

Further Tales of A Tonsillectomy

Before we brought Luke home from the hospital, we were instructed to make sure he drank enough. "He must pee four to five times a day!" the nurse said. "If he is not, he is dehydrated and must come back to the hospital! Also, there is a risk that the scabs at the back of the throat will rip open and he will start bleeding! Bleeding requiring an emergency trip to the closest hospital!" She also told us not to let him shout or move around too much for two weeks, which could also result in excessive bleeding. The risk is greatest, she told us, during days four to ten.

Have you ever tried to keep a six-year-old boy from shouting or moving around? If not, imagine trying to keep the wind from blowing or the sun from making its way through the sky. You might as well try to keep Kim Kardashion out of the news.

However, we managed, through great effort, also bribery, to keep him mostly quiet and mostly still until yesterday afternoon. Day seven, for those who are counting. (Like me. I am not only counting the days, I am counting the hours and the minutes until I can safely send the child back to school.) Yesterday afternoon, Luke was standing on the landing at the top of the stairs, chatting to me as I was changing Vivi's diaper on the living room floor below -- I am always changing a diaper at these moments -- when suddenly a squirrel leaped toward him from the banister above his head.

We are having a problem with squirrels getting into the attic from some holes we cannot find in our admittedly decrepit roof. Theo, one of our cats, had chased this one down the attic stairs. Luke is afraid of the squirrels because we have made quite a fuss about our distaste for them being in the attic.  And because, let's face it, they are freaky little buck-toothed rats with long bushy tales. And this was a big one. When this squirrel leaped  toward him, the poor boy screamed more loudlyand for a longer period of time than I have ever heard anyone scream. He stopped only to take a breath and then screamed again and again and again and again to similar full-throated effect. While he was screaming he leapt bodily down the full flight of twelve stairs.

So far, luckily, there hasn't been any bleeding, at least not as far as Luke is concerned. I am afraid a blood vessel may have popped in my brain, however, as I am not feeling at all well today. Fee free to send flowers and chocolates.

One Boy, Sans Tonsils and Adenoids

He looked so peaceful, for a few hours. And now, even though he's on morphine, it's very, very hard work to keep him in even a seated position for any length of time. (He's supposed to on bedrest for a week.)

Snow Day

Not much school this week for residents of the crooked house. First there was the annual twenty-four-hour stomach flu vomit-a-thon on Wednesday, then the early lunch-time dismissal on Thursday due to an impending snow storm, and now school is cancelled today while they clean up the streets. We just made the obligatory snowman. He looks like he is bleeding because we tried to use red smarties for his mouth but they proved to be too irresistible and had to be eaten, leaving nothing but red dye smears across the snow. We replaced them with uncooked rotini noodles, which aren't as palatable.

Nothing says "fun" like a giant fake smile.

See, she actually does have a normal face.

"Ah yes, the 2010s," future photography historians will say, "when the likes of hipstamatic made even joyous childhood activities such as the making of snow angels look bleak and ominous."

The angry birds are quite pissed off about it. Well, the red one is. The green pig is mildly annoyed, the blue bird, concerned.

 

Christmas Presents from Luke

This is the angel Luke made at school as a Christmas present for me.

And here is the battle scene he drew at home as a Christmas present for me. Both were wrapped up and tucked under the tree on Christmas morning. I particularly like the detail on the left -- the man who loses his glasses as he falls out of the sky and uh, smashes his head into the ground. Happy holidays everyone!