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August 27, 2008


Perfectly Disgraceful

"longing to hold each other in their arms, swearing everlasting devotion to each other, and mourning their physical isolation and separation"

My older girl, who recently turned 10, had a friendship like this when she was eight. Although I can't really say how much longing to hold each other there was. But they were REALLY into each other and called each other all the time. When the other girl went on vacation there were nightly phonecalls (oh, the joy of cell phones) and great anguish if a call was missed. It seemed rather over-the-top to me, especially for eight-year-olds, even though I had a very intense and fraught best-friendship when I was the same age.

My daughter is still very into her friends and wants to spend every possible minute with them, which is difficult in these days of arranged playdates that involve driving across town. It was so much easier when my best friend lived the next house over.

I'm interested to see if my daughter continues on the LMM route (her favorite books are the Betsy Tacy series which feature an almost equally intense friendship). I was too boy crazy to continue having bosom girlfriends in my teenage years, but my daughter doesn't seem at all boy crazy. I do have a number of close girlfriends now, which is delicious, although I find it difficult to balance my desire to spend time with them vs. those people who live in my house-- whom I also like a great deal.


You know, I don't think I've ever read those Betsy Tacy books. Must add them to the list!

Suzy Lux

Great article. How times have changed...

I lament on that period and how things were truly innocent in a way that I feel almost can't be imagined today. Just reading what you said about classification and the non-existence of a word like 'lesbian' (and obviously 'gay' meaning something different then) makes me a little sad for our current society because you cannot backpedal back to that; you just have to put up with what we have today. And love--true romantic, sexless love between people regardless of gender, has gotten a bit lost. It can't just 'be'; it has to be defined and then either celebrated, tolerated or hated.

I had friendships slightly similar to Lucy when I was growing up. But they sort of faded in intensity after 16,17 years old. But I miss them greatly. I miss the 24/7 spiritual-consciousness-connection that me and my best friend had, and how *close* we were in mind and heart.

Btw this article made me think of Pauline and Juliet from 'Heavenly Creatures' (a true story if you're not familiar) and also the current 'Gossip Girl' and the relationship between Serena and Blair. While the latter is not quite as intense, I think it's undeniably romantic in nature.


I feel like the Anne of Green Gables series is littered with characters who are likely gay, male and female, and SO MANY women who shun men and marriage, that probably Maud was gay and felt a kinship for such folk.

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